OMG finally started cutting

I just did my first of eight stencil cuts. OMG, I’m beginning to regret starting on this project LOL. I thinkI might have to replan the whole thing lol. Now my hands are shaky and wobbly, and I can barely type this right.

Check it out, treat it as a sneak. Thankfully I’m doing this for one person at the moment, already started planning for the next but I’m already shaking in my pants LOL

LOL

By the way, I love the ending of Neverwhere.  I wish I could open my own door and disappear into another world too.

So anyway, I was reading over another person’s shoulder like I mentioned in my previous post. I was by the left train door on the way home, leaning against the glass partition facing the opposite direction which the train was heading. There’s this lady reading a book, in front of me, slightly to my left but facing the right door, so I was reading her book over her shoulder. She was holding her book with one hand, so the book was at right angles. When she read the left page, I would see both pages. Then as she moved on to the right page, she would tilt the book the other way and I would see the front cover. I couldn’t help but let loose a soft breath of ironical chuckle when I saw what the title wrote:

“Just Friends” by Robyn Sisman

I’m deeply amused by life’s little coincidences LOL.

My escape lies in books

As I was done with my story book, I realised what a godsend having a book was. Because I was done with it, I decided to think of a Christmas Story to write. Now, the prize of the Christmas story competition isn’t really fantastic, but I have this strong compelling reason to win it. I’m wrecking my brains for a story and it’s difficult given that it’s only 500 words. Trying my best, I couldn’t really think of a story that could feel powerful enough. It had to really come from my own experiences to feel impactful, to feel the juices flow. And as I tried to gather all my thoughts, feelings and emotions, darkness seemed to outweigh and envelope everything. I haven’t written anything happy all this while and that didn’t help. Subsquently I lost control of my thoughts and allowed it to spiral out of control. I freaked out and turned to read over someone’s shoulder instead.

Stay (Faraway, so close)

I heard this song on my iTunes today. I remember hearing it quite a few years back and it had been such a mystical song to me back then. After hearing it, I decided to check the music video again and I felt like I was transported to a different world. Digesting the song and reading deep into it, I couldn’t help but feel touched. U2 rocks, immortals in their own right.

Stay (faraway, so close)  – U2

Green light – Seven Eleven
You stop in for a pack of cigarettes
You don’t smoke, don’t even want to
Hey now – check your change
Dressed up like a car crash
The wheels are turning but you’re upside down
You say when he hits you, you don’t mind
Because when he hurts you, you feel alive
Is that what it is?
Red lights, grey morning
You stumble out of a hole in the ground
A vampire or a victim
It depends on who’s around
You used to stay in to watch the adverts
You could lip synch to the talk showsAnd if you look, you look through me
And when you talk it’s not to me
And when I touch you, you don’t feel a thing

If I could stay – then the night would give you up
Stay, and the day would keep its trust
Stay, and the night would be enough

Far away, so close
Up with the static and the radio
With satellite television you can go anywhere
Miami, New Orleans, London, Belfast and Berlin

And if you listen I can’t call
And if you jump, you just might fall
And if you shout I’ll only hear you

If I could stay – then the night would give you up
Stay – then the day would keep its trust
Stay with the demons you drowned
Stay with the spirit I found
Stay, and the night would be enough

Three o’clock in the morning
It’s quiet and there’s no one around
Just the bang and the clatter
As an angel runs to ground
Just the bang and the clatter
As an angel hits the ground

Could you say “Nevermore”?

Had a late lunch today and it felt good for all the peace and quiet at the cafe. As I was enjoying my coffee, I had a thought about the Neil Gaiman book I was reading, Neverwhere.

I’m nearly done and the ending was quite, touching. I haven’t read to the very end yet, but where I’m at, I took a breather in the train after reading about the sadness of the part I’m at.

The book is largely about doors. The female protagonist incidentally was also named Door. And my life now is also all about doors.

For the guy, it was how one kind act opened a door for him. In reflection, it felt quite the same way for me. Except mine felt like an ammunition blast door blown apart with a 100 megaton explosive.

Anyway, as I was sitting at the cafe and writing this, a crow landed on the chair opposite of me, eyeing my finished plate of food for scraps. I stared at it for a long while, and it returned it’s black steely gaze at me.

In my head, I hoped so feverously…

I wished as hard as I could…

I prayed with all my faith and might….

But it didn’t say “Nevermore!”

I’ll Be

Here’s Edwin Mccain’s “I’ll Be”.

Yeah, I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.

I’ll Be – Edwin Mccain

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth

And tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I’ll be captivated, I’ll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

And I’ll be your cryin’ shoulder
I’ll be love`s suicide
And I’ll be better when I’m older
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You’re my survival, you’re my living proof
My love is alive, and not dead

And tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I’ll be captivated, I’ll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

And I’ll be your cryin’ shoulder
I`ll be love`s suicide
And I’ll be better when I’m older
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.

And I dropped out, I burned up, I fought my way back from the dead,
I tuned in, turned on, remembered the thing that you said.

And I’ll be your cryin’ shoulder
I’ll be love`s suicide
And I’ll be better when I’m older
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life

And I’ll be your cryin’ shoulder
I’ll be love`s suicide
And I’ll be better when I’m older
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life

Jack and Diane

Last night, EIC played two songs which were really awesome and fantastic. John Mellencamp’s “Jack and Diane” and Edwin Mccain “I’ll be” (though I heard that one on Sunday’s session). Old songs with so much nostalgia in it.

Here’s “Jack and Diane”.

Jack and Diane – John Mellencamp

Little ditty about jack and diane
Two american kids growin up in the heartland
Jackies gonna be a football star
Diane debutante backseat of jackies car

Suckin on chilli dogs outside the tastee freeze
Diane sittin on jackies lap
Hes got his hands between her knees
Jackie say, hey diane lets run off
Behind a shady tree
Dribble off those bobby brooks
Let me do what I please
And jackie say a Chorus:
Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin is gone
Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin is gone they walk on

Jackie sits back reflects his thoughts for a moment
Scratches his head and does his best james dean
Well you know diane we oughtta run of the city
Diane says, baby you aint miss no-thing
Jackie say a

Chorus:
Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin is gone
Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin is gone

Gonna let it rock
Let it roll
Let the Bible belt come down
And save my soul
Hold on to 16 as lang as you can
Changes comin round real soon
Make us women and men

Little ditty about jack and diane
Two american kids doin the best they can

Self control

Spared a thought on human dynamics after a chat with my friend on msn just awhile ago. I am losing control again over pride and ego. Or something like that, words fail me. I just feel sorry for sneering at ignorance. I might have been ignorant myself, but hey, at least I admit things I don’t know. No point trying to fake it.

Tonight happened.

Yesterday my msn nick read “Tonight MUST happen”

Honestly, I don’t really know what I meant by that today.

The last thing on my head last night as I dragged on a stick before heading home was:

“Tonight shouldn’t have happened”

Then I lost conciousness for a minute at the stone bench before I kicked myself awake and struggled home to bed.

It was a rather warm, groggy morning for me today, with a faint hangover as I stumbled into work. After clearing my mails, I decided to leave my laptop and work on some documents at the cafe instead, which really helped wake me up (considering that my usual work cubicle is going to be repossessed soon, working at the cafe sounds like a mighty fine idea).

Anyway, being clearer and more concious of my brain, I finished my stuff up pretty fast and decided to properly recollect the events that had happened the night before.

Starting with the question, Why am I so fucked today?, I recounted the night’s events, slowly and deliberately.

1. The night started at Balaclava at about 8:30pm. And I kept looking at my watch. Why? Because I couldn’t wait for the band. Why? Because I hope the band would distract me from keeping an eye on the time. Why? Because I was expecting a call.
2. Time passed by so slowly. The band didn’t distract me. I know I shouldn’t, but I drank beer. Why? I think I was thirsty but there was a constant nagging reminder that my back would hurt (It is slightly hurting now lol). Why then did I drink it? Maybe I wanted it to hurt.
3. I didn’t quite like my friend’s colleague. So at the start, I wasn’t really angaged in their conversation. I just listened to the band, checking time and my phone.
4. Friend’s sister came along and I chatted with her. She told me an ugly truth. It was disheartening.
5. Phone rang, and I realised that I missed a message. Amazing how things happen at the brief moments you aren’t paying attention. My friend came and I walked her over from Raffles hotel. I remember being happy.
6. “Any eligible guys there?”
   I’d have said me lol, so shy.
7. Ordered a pint of Hoegaarden for her, band played awesome songs back to back, smoked, joked, laughed, sang, drank sucky wine. Bliss.
8. Reminded her not to get drunk again. Period.
9. Friends had to leave, so I took my bag from my friend’s car and enjoyed the rest of the band’s set and her company.
10. Drank more, another pint each (roughly 3 pints plus, a glass of wine and some Asahi in total last night)
11. Was informed by her that some lady was checking me out. I was so disinterested in anyone else.
12. Band’s done with their last set. Talked to Jack a bit. They still can’t play SickPuppies.
    “Yo Jack!”
    “Yo Bro!”
    “I’m fucked! Ha ha!”
    “Yeah I can see it all over your face haha”
    “It’s not the beer! haha!”
13. Went to the toilet and came back to see my friend being picked up by some guy. Kind man offered more drinks but I turned it down (Oddly I have been thinking about that guy). Chatted with him a little. I was amused. Probably in a half drunk state, everything became amusing.
    “Which line do you work in ?”
    “IT”
    “Engineer?”
    “Graduated as one”
    In retrospect, so much dynamics happened that moment LOL. Told him about the benefits of working in APB. 2 cartons of beer a month and free beer at the distillery anytime. He told me working for Tiger beer has the same benefits. Enough said about that one, go figure.
14. He left after a toast and we launched into discussion. Ah, they have been noticing each other the whole time.
    “Jealous?”
    “Yeah.”
15. Another discussion with my friend:
    “He knows my company!”
    “Really?”
    blah..blah…
    “So what did he say about your company?”
    “hmmm, nothing”
    “Welcome to the game *smile*” (Something along those lines)
16. Went out of Bala with my friend for a smoke. She asked for one, and I think I was quite lost by then, I took one for myself and forgot to offer her one. Thinking back, I thought that was funny lol. Then we made a bet:
    “You think he’ll call?”
    “Yes.”
    “What if he doesn’t?”
    “You get 5 movies off me.”
    “By when?”
    “Tuesday.”
    “Weak”
    “Fine, Sunday”
17. Home sweet home. Lighted up one despite telling myself not to. Concussed at the stone bench for a minute before heading home.

So that was my night. I wonder for a moment if my intuition is right. I would like to confidently say that I won’t lose this bet, yet something hopes that I do. Sounds like a fool. Feels good writing it out, feeling productive, feeling like a million dollars waiting for a smoke. And perhaps some lunch.

with whatever sanity i have left, i beg for someone to kill me. Thanks in advance.