These few days have been spent thinking really hard on planning my stenciling. Now that my tools have been bought, and everything is ready for execution (more like a test run), I have been planning over and over my head. Like how do I handle those islands; how do I align the different layers; how do I match up the smooth areas flawlessly; how to manage areas likely to screw up etc. I have printed out a few copies and looked at them over and over. And oh man, I’m getting so excited on doing it. But it’s going to be hell doing it, since it’s really like a first attempt at a multi-toned stencil. Now I got to find the time and space to get down and dirty.
Other than that, I have also been thinking about getting a new phone. I didn’t mention that I dropped my phone the other day and now the front screen, glass, has a huge crack across it. But I love my phone. It’s still so sleek, black and so professional. It’s the Motorola V3, a really old one.
And so today, at work, I was getting my work done, listening to music, checking out my mails and chatting; all this while having the stencil at the back of my head. And with my phone in front of me, I kept caressing its crack.
Wait. That didn’t sound too right LOL. But technically that was what I did.
I just got back from a simple lunch, eating alone, reflecting on myself and on recent events. A colleague is leaving the team for another and that spurred me to think so much; predicting my next steps, what may happen etc. Amazingly, I concurrently thought about some relationship issues that a 2nd degree friend and another friend at work was having. I guess that’s why I am so exhausted suddenly. I wonder this concurrent processing of thoughts was influenced by my duo-core Acer laptop that I had in school….
Sorry, that was lame LOL.
Inevitably, it led to a reflection of my own issues. Last night I received a sms from my ex, asking how I was. That was kind of her, but I had deleted her number. It wasn’t because I hated her or anything, but back then when we were shopping for her phone, she had said that she will get one new phone and use it for everything, and cancel off the old one. I was thinking: it was something that I went through with her back then and that was her decision despite my suggestions for 2 phones. So she messaged me with her old number and for a moment, I couldn’t recognize it. Fortunately I spent some time to think instead of usually replying “I’m sorry I think I may have lost your number. You are?”
LOL that would be so hilarious then.
So we had a short sms exchange. I hope she’s doing and feeling fine. I had some thought of her on the train to work today. I was thinking of how I had always proudly declared I would love her till I’d breathe my last. And then if it’s not meant to be, I’d still care for her well being as much as I could. I realized that she has been fading from my mind everyday. If not for her messages now and then, I’d not bother to ask. If I did, it wouldn’t seem too right either. It’s like now I’m just there if she needs help. Unfortunately, I couldn’t help but feel like I’m being used, but yet I know I am not. Oh well, so many thoughts with no conclusion again.
I confided in a friend, about how the sms ended like that because I felt that I said something she usually didn’t like to hear when we were back together. She told me that maybe she might had hoped for me to reply a completely different message.
Nah.
To me, honestly, I think it’s going to be difficult for anyone to accept the situation I am in. Yes, I know, I’m jaded and all, probably because dear old Mr Fate hasn’t done his job yet, I haven’t met the right one blah blah. But no matter what, when I list down my wants, I look at it from a girl’s point of view (of course my perception may be very badly skewed), it’s plain difficult to accept. I realized that in the end, my whole perception of everything has deviated so much from the norm. Or at least the norm that I perceive things in general to be. Crap, I keep ending up in circles. Anyhow, this path I tread is lonesome indeed.
And it’s not helping Fix You is playing on iTunes as I am writing this.
