I agitated my freaking back again at the range AGAIN. woooo hoooo. Pain keeps me alive.
Met my friend after and I was INSPIRED. He showed me the stencils he did, and the Godfather he did for me. Fuck, I need my own place just to put that darling up. I am still caught in my awe. I’ll probably have wet dreams over it tonight lol.
Anyway, operation Stencil-the-whole-world starts tonight.
I’m feeling depressed today. Simply because I’m suffering from infatuation. For some reason, I have this HUGE crush, and as I wrecked my brains the whole day on how to fulfil my desire, it just seems so far out of reach. I don’t have a huge house, and not even my own room, how then can I satisfy my craving for this infatuation that’s killing me?
Oh I’ll do anything for my Irish Terrier….
Ok, I finally did some revamp on my blog. For sure now, this blog will strictly be about my personal life. It will still remain anonymous, but I will loosen the restriction to represent people with the first letter of their names. Anything about my life, I’ll just be straight forward about it now. Meantime, the categories hold on this blog: Daily papers are really the mundane things I have done for the day (I’ll try to write the interesting things that happen), Life Musings are for for thoughts that pop in my head (philosophical stuff I guess, since poems will go to another blog, read below), and waxing lyrical will now be like my introduction to nice songs.
I have started another blog for my stories and poems and proses and what not. Little things that may or may not have sprung from things happening around me. I will link them from here, so you probably won’t see long stories here (but I might still post lengthy bullshit of my day lol)
I have intentions to start a third blog for comics, and I was thinking of mimicking stickgal post for post in tribute of her lol. But that will wait.
So tonight was spent at Wala’s again, and I think it might become a Sunday event every week. The band has been good so far, and if they keep it up, I would be a Sunday installation there each week.
Tonight they played something new, or rather, something which I had not hear them play before. It was Guns & Roses Patience and it struck a chord in me (puns! puns!). Being patient has been in my mind for the longest time, with regards to not having my own room, with regards to my career, with regards to my love life as well. I’m just being patient now with my emotions, slowly coaxing it to settle and not blindly rushing into anything. I might have lost control a few times along the way, and looking back at it, though funny, it was scary as well. So the word Patience has been resounding over and over in my head … (Ok, so the lyrics isn’t exactly what I had in mind… but still, it’s a great song. You just got to love Guns & Roses 
)
Shed a tear ’cause I’m missin’ you
I’m still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn’t sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt
You’re in my heart now
Said, woman, take it slow
It’ll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said, sugar, make it slow
And we come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
Mm, yeah
I sit here on the stairs
‘Cause I’d rather be alone
If I can’t have you right now
I’ll wait, dear
Sometimes I get so tense
But I can’t speed up the time
But you know, love
There’s one more thing to consider
Said, woman, take it slow
And things will be just fine
You and I’ll just use a little patience
Said, sugar, take the time
‘Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I’ve got what it takes
To make it, We won’t fake it,
I’ll never break it
’cause I can’t take it
…little patience, mm yeah, mm yeah
need a little patience, yeah
just a little patience, yeah
some more patience, yeah
need some patience, yeah
could use some patience, yeah
gotta have some patience, yeah
all it takes is patience,
just a little patience
is all you need
I been walkin’ the streets at night
Just tryin’ to get it right
Hard to see with so many around
You know I don’t like
Being stuck in the crowd
And the streets don’t change
But baby the name
I ain’t got time for the game
‘Cause I need you
Yeah, yeah, but I need you
Oo, I need you
Whoa, I need you
Oo, all this time
I was driving past NUS on the AYE to Holland Village and I had a sudden flashback. I remembered back in NS, I had a day off, and I decided to meet my ex in school and walk her home. I stayed in Pandan Valley back then and I was at Clementi and walked to the AYE to get a bus. Along the way to AYE, I saw a little bird which couldn’t fly. It just kept hopping and I decided that I would catch it and show it to her to surprise her. Thinking back, I must have looked comical, chasing after a bird all over. Finally I caught it and got a little sweaty from that. I held it in my hand and waited for a bus. When I got to the NUS busstop, I met her there and showed it to her. All I had in mind then was to show her a cute littlebird that I had caught and how she would be surprised and excited to see it. It was a cute little dear, probably scared (it didn’t occur to me that it would shit in my hands) but cute to hold and touch.
My memory fails me in the events that had happened after that. I can’t really remember what her reaction was, I wonder does she even remember that incident. But as this incident suddenly popped in my head, I felt a pang of hurt. Why write it down and remember it some people might ask. Honestly, perhaps I shouldn’t. But the lack of any emotions whatsoever wasn’t doing me good; I was feeling quite mindless and zombified. So perhaps some emotions, any emotions, might have been better, even though it might be emotions of pain, sadness and hurt.
In fact, it does feel better already. At least I feel alive.
