Little Angry Asian Boy

A friend coined this for me today and I thought it was quite funny. So today, my msn nick was

Little angry asian boy

These days

These days
the mind floats in space
and the heart hangs heavy

These days
the mind finds memories
and the heart yearns long

These days
the mind reminisces the old
the heart turns tender

These days
the mind grows objective
the heart beats strong

I had a conversation with my friend today, about how I miss my own grandfather, how he meant so much to me, and I had this really strong yearning to be a innocent child once more, to just run to his embrace when things don’t seem right, and just let the tears flow. I wish I could turn around and hug him now, but even though he’s always behind me, all I can really do is try and feel his presence and warmth radiating from within. Perhaps it would make me stronger in the long run.

Accepting your conscience

I gave some thought to the things that was said between me and my friend last night. It was about how he didn’t see it right to give anyone a second chance, while I maintained that I believe that people change and a second chance is all about learning to accept how people have changed. People might have changed for the better or worse, and if they do change for the worse, how then will you be able to accept that person if you couldn’t find it in yourself to be forgiving?

I’m not trying to convince him to change his standpoint simply because I believe in acceptance and forgiveness. It has been something that I have lived with for years. Though at times I wonder what is the whole point of it all if I only gave a damn for people but never for myself, but one thing I do know for sure, I feel that I have kept my conscience clear. Of course my friend said that people may not believe you have a clear conscience, but of course, your conscience is yours alone, and at least I dare say that I have not done anything that I regret.

It was a conversation that led to close relationships and how our opinions might have mattered to influence the relationship. It came to the point, where I told him, that despite all that has happened with me and my ex, I still can find it in me to be forgiving. I told them even if she does ever want to patch back with me, I’d not say it’s entirely impossible. Of course much work would need to be put in to build everything again. It’s the same as with friends with have felled out with long ago. So many people have shook their heads and mocked at me, but I don’t find it foolish. I told them it’s just part and parcel of moving on. A recent lesson reiterated this point to me, that it is important to accept and be forgiving. In that lesson, something which I have not realised existed, something which I have never accepted came back and haunt me. It took me awhile to get a grip; similarly it took me some time to get a grip on my break up. Of course it’s just as important to protect your own interest, so I guess my interest would be my conscience.  I believe I have been a fine person to my friends and to everyone around me, although unfortunately I’ve not always been appreciated as that, I never expected any as the things I do are usually insignificant. Some close friends have acknowledged my efforts, and that alone is enough to keep me going on.

I spared some thought about my ex and wondered if she had really moved on, I really hope she had as she meant it. I’m just as concerned for her as she is for me, no matter how ironic it is, but life is like that, and there isn’t much point nor time in regrets.

My colored Avatar

Ok, finally got my avatar colored, though I think I will change the color once more. Doesn’t seem to fit.

Did quite abit of artwork last night. Kind of satisfied. Looking for more “jobs” to do. I might just start posting my works, kinda dry on stories these days especially when there are no comments……